Transfusion #2

Raylee had blood labs yesterday and earlier today oncology called and said her counts look better except the platelets. They were extremely low and she needed a platelet transfusion. I took her to the hospital to a section in oncology where outpatient services are performed. This section is called "Clinic" and patients who are not being hospitalized receive chemo and transfusions, and cancer survivors go here for followups. Raylee received her 1st platelet transfusion in clinic and the entire process took about 3 hours. While she received the transfusion she watched Toy Story 3, ate chocolate pudding, and played with a toy kitchen and dishes. She was happy the entire time. Raylee has dozens of bruises on her arms and legs from even the littlest bumps. This is because her platelets are low. When someone's platelets are low they bruise easy, can bleed easy, and even get nose bleeds. Raylee has a really big black bruise by her elbow and the nurse told me to watch it for infection; this is the worst bruise I have ever saw. She said if it gets infected we will need to bring Raylee back to he hospital. It is the size of a silver dollar and black, the center looks like a blood blister. I did not know bruises can be infected. I was also told to expect taking Raylee for red blood cell and platelet transfusions after each Chemo. One of the oncologists whom examined Raylee said the body bounces back from the 1st round of Chemo because the bone marrow bounces back quickly, but the body has a more difficult time bouncing back the 2nd time, and an even more difficult time the 3rd time and so on and so on. This wasn't good news.

I guess I have felt as if Raylee wouldn't need any transfusions. Even last week when Raylee received the blood transfusion and the nurse told me Raylee would probably need a platelet transfusion soon, I thought she wouldn't. I have realized I am in denial. One if my friends explained to me the feelings I am going through are a lot like the mourning process. You get sad, guilty, despair, anger, depression, and denial. She was right. It is true I am in denial and recognizing that is important so I can fully understand what Raylee's medical team is doing without thinking...'oh that won't happen to us.' I want to try to fully grasp what Raylee is going through to understand what her needs are. I've been in denial that Raylee wouldn't lose her hair, I didn't want her to so I thought it wouldn't happen. She lost her hair in 2 days. I thought she wouldn't need any transfusions because she is my child and I told myself her cancer isn't like other cancers, it isn't as bad and she will be better any moment. These things aren't true. Although there are many types of childhood cancers Raylee does have malignant cells and malignant cells are life threatening. Even though she doesn't have a cancer like leukemia where the treatment lasts years and years, she is still really sick inside. When she is sick I do grasp these things but when she is happy and playing I think someone is playing a horrible joke on us and experimenting on her; maybe because she seemed so healthy before the diagnosis. The reality of her cancer is more than a bad dream it is our way of life right now. I keep telling myself it could be worse....this is true....her cancer could be in stage 4, we could live hundreds of miles from the hospital, Raylee could be allergic to the Chemo meds and transfusions, the cancer could have spread to her bone marrow but it didn't, or she could have leukemia or lymphoma and the treatment could last 3 years or more.

Raylee's main oncologist examined her after the transfusion and said Raylee looks good and is doing about the best she could be. Next week Raylee's 1st CT scan after Chemotherapy started is scheduled. The oncologist will meet with the surgeon and they will decide if the next step is surgery to remove the tumor, or 2 more rounds if Chemo. We are hoping for surgery. They will have the surgery scheduled and also Chemo so either step taken is ready. We will know next week....next week can't come soon enough! I know once the tumor is removed we will still have appointments and scans for years to come, and tests when Raylee is a teenager, but those things will be so much easier than Chemo.